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The gospels were written decades after Jesus’ death, by non-eyewitnesses. Almost everything I read – even the books written by conservative Christians – gave me reason to doubt, not less. I felt like my best friend – my source of purpose and happiness and comfort – was dying. The atheists made plain, simple sense, and the Christian philosophers were lost in fog of big words that tried to hide the weakness of their arguments. On January 11, 2007, I whispered to myself: “There is no God.” The next day I emailed my buddy Mark: I didn’t want to bother you, but I’m lost and despairing and I could really use your help, if you can give it. I do not WANT to live in an empty, cold, ultimately purposeless universe in which I am worthless and inherently alone.They are riddled with contradictions, legends, and known lies. And how could I accept the miracle claims about Jesus when I outright rejected other ancient miracle claims as superstitious nonsense? I made a historical study of Jesus, which led me to a study of the Bible, historical and philosophical arguments for and against God, atheist arguments, etc. I hope that I find a real, true God in my journey of blind faith. Even the smartest ones just made lots of noise about “the mystery of God.” They used big words so that it sounded like they were saying something precise and convincing.I know what it’s like to think faith is a , not a gullible weakness.I know what it’s like to be confused by the Trinity, the failure of prayers, or Biblical contradictions but to genuinely embrace them as the mystery of God.So, when I speak of the aesthetics of belief, I am saying that just as many materialists only believe in what can be experienced by the senses, I believe that my aesthetic encounters with God condition and shape my perception of reality. Well i guess i can share a few of your thoughts coz we lived together through some of these times and im sure we all had our moments where we faced a crossroad and we had to make a choice based on belief or anyother reason.Hi, I came across your site while trying to find good audiobooks I can download. I can see that you are such a brilliant man, an intelligent one, and I believe God will speak to you (or have already been speaking), I jsut pray you will find it in you to listen to Him. Personally im still a christian who is trying to fight the good fight.
I read Dallas Willard’s , a manual for how to fall in love with God so that following his ways is not a burden, but a natural and painless product of loving God.
I bonded with them briefly because the three of us were suddenly outcasts.
I had stubbornly resisted my deconversion, but these days I am to accept reality, no matter what it is.
I grew up in Cambridge, Minnesota – a town of 5,000 people and 22 Christian churches.
My father was (and still is) pastor of a small church.
Other times I felt led by Him to give money to a certain cause, or to pay someone a specific compliment, or to walk to the cross at the front of my church and bow before it during a worship service.